


Fork In the Road

by randers1



Category: Chicago PD (TV)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-23
Updated: 2020-11-23
Packaged: 2021-03-09 23:00:30
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,839
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27683921
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/randers1/pseuds/randers1
Summary: Hailey gets a package and Jay gets worried. No decision seems 100% right for either of them.
Relationships: Jay Halstead & Hailey Upton, Jay Halstead/Hailey Upton
Comments: 13
Kudos: 98





	Fork In the Road

“Voight’s a hypocrite.”

Jay felt the heaviness of his sigh, could hear it in his own voice. “You’re still mad.” 

She felt the anger run through her. Hailey tried to control it and took in a deep breath, but it flowed nonetheless. She put her hands against her kitchen island.

“You’re damn right I’m still mad. I lost _a month_ here.” She ran a hand through her hair. “A month of my _life_ , my _job_ , my-- .” Her lips pursed. “For what? For something that Voight has done how many times? And I get sent out of the unit for doing it _once_?” She held up a finger to make her point. “Sent out of state to some task force so I can, what? Learn some kind of damned lesson? I know all about lines, Jay. I’ve known about them my whole life.”

It would be so easy to just agree. But he and Hailey had had this conversation more times than he could count at this point and they were past that. She was able to play nice most hours of the day but when she had a few drinks and was just with him, her anger came pouring out.

His tongue darted out to touch the corner of his mouth before he began. “Look, I get it, that you’re pissed off. And no, it wasn’t right, but you did your time with the feds and now you’re back.” It had been hard on him, having her gone for those weeks, and now that she was back it was what he preferred to focus on. “You kicked ass there. Maybe that’s the takeaway.”

“There is no ‘takeaway’ here, Jay. That’s my point. What came out of this? Nothing. Nothing but bullshit. Voight feels like he took some kind of control, the feds got a body to cover their uc agent, and I? What. What did I get?” Her mad ended up breaking a few moments later as she quietly offered things she’d never told him before. Hailey’s tears were new, few that there were, as she relayed her fears that the team had lost trust in her, that maybe she was really on her last legs with Voight. That she’d burned all her bridges and reached the end of the line, that maybe she’d disappointed _him_. He’d briefly erased their partner boundary as he reached over and gently caressed her hair then her shoulder as he offered reassurances that she was fine, that they were fine.

And what’s more, she’d let him.

“Thank you,” she’d whispered.

It was too easy. The package arriving after the conversation last night. Her admissions to Jay about her doubts in herself, her standing in the unit. And it was too difficult. Jay’s responses, his reassurances, his comfort as she gave voice to her doubts. Either way, the arrival of this simple, unopened package sent her world in to a tailspin.

Now, hours after it had been handed to her, she sat at her desk with it, lips flattened, and turned the box over and over.

Hailey’s shift was done an hour ago and she sat alone in the bullpen. Jay was returning some gear back to the tech room and Voight was in his office. She’d heard his phone ring but after the initial startle had gone back to focusing on the light weight in her hands The one that made the soft _thwump_ sound each time she turned it over as the contents bumped against the inside cardboard.

She’d been so focused on its feeling and the sound that she didn’t hear her boss approach her desk. “You win a prize if you guess it before you open it?” The voice was gravelly beside her and she looked up with a smirk to see her boss, arms crossed, standing beside her desk.

“Possible.” She deadpanned before taking a breath. “Just wanna be prepared.”

“Looks like they think you are.” His eyebrows raised at her, the insinuation obvious.

She accepted that and glanced back at the box. “Y’know, whatever this is, I probably have you to thank for it.”

Hank grunted. “Thank? Or blame?”

Hailey chuckled, and avoided giving answer to that question. She knew their conversation, the one they’d yet to have, was looming. But now wasn’t the time. “It wasn’t ever on my radar. Working for the feds. New York.”

Voight nodded and rocked back on his heels a bit. “And now?”

She rubbed at her chin. “No idea.”

“Well…. Whatever that is,” He pointed to the box. “You know you have a home here.”

Her eyebrows raised, asking the silent ‘ _yeah_?’ with a mild smirk. She hadn’t been sure of that at all. “Been a Chicago girl all my life, Sarge. CPD right outta the gate.” Was it time for a fresh start or time to cement her roots? She wished for clarity on which answer was the right one.

“There’s nothin’ wrong with that. Just like there’s nothin wrong with taking an opportunity that presents itself to you.” He paused for a second. “Those feds, they know good people. If they want you Hailey, it’s because they saw what I see in you. What we all do.”

The words were so close to spilling out. _Then why did you send me away? There had to be other options._ But she stifled them and instead gave a tight-lipped smile.

“Just let me know if I need to start looking for a replacement.”

The words ran through her like ice. If this was a job offer and she took it, not only wouldn’t she be here but someone else would be. That thought was new and hit her hard. She looked around the bullpen, her other home, and murmured her response. “Yeah, of course.”

“Have a good night,” he offered after a beat.

Her eyes were back to the box now resting on her desk and she nodded, swinging her chair back to face the screen. “You too.” She absently replied, not even knowing if he’d heard her as he was already descending the steps out of the bullpen.

Hailey tried to finish up the report in front of her. It had been her plan to complete it before heading home for the night, but that was before the delivery. She saved the document, closed her file, and turned off the computer, sure that she was done working for the night. Sighing deeply, she reached for a pair of scissors and the box, slicing it at a seam.

The long envelope inside was pulled out, then the two loose papers from that.

Her lips twitched back and forth as she thought about what lay before her. If this was what she thought it was then a decision would have to be made, one that would impact her life significantly depending on what she chose. Maybe no matter what she chose.

Blowing out a deep, controlled breath she picked up the papers, the ones with the federal seal embossed at the top, and read through them. The corners of her mouth ticked upward as she finished and settled back in her chair, taking time to process the printed words.

Flashes of possible scenarios danced in her mind until she couldn’t take it anymore. Hailey pushed back from her desk and made her way to the locker room, ready to splash some water on her face and try to get a grip.

Footsteps came quickly up the steps and the first thing Jay noticed was the stillness of the room. Voight’s office was dark and Hailey’s desk was empty. His boss was obviously gone for the day but Hailey’s jacket was pooled on the bottom of her chair and the box that had been delivered earlier had been opened. He took in the opened box, the envelope, and the papers laying by the closed file.

He wanted to know what the papers said and made himself move back from the desk, to make sure he didn’t overstep and do what he wanted, to take the papers and read every single word.

Another step backward as he swallowed hard, wondering if just two pieces of paper meant for someone else could change his life as drastically as he thought they might. He hated those papers. Jay forced himself to move and grabbed his mug from his desk, and brought it back to the break room.

Hailey’s jacket was on and he’d heard her desk drawer close as he walked up. Her desk looked the same minus the missing white box and letters. It looked the way it did every morning he arrived before her and every evening if she left before him.

She was pulling her hair out from the back of jacket as she smiled at him. “Where’ve you been?”

“Uhhh, just cleaning up. You out?”

“Yeah finally.” She nodded. “Long day.” Her thoughts going to the contents of the white box for the thousandth time in the past hour.

He nodded, his thoughts going directly to the contents of the white box for the millionth time since its arrival. “You up for a drink?”

She zipped her jacket and watched him. She knew his reason for asking. “Yeah. Molly’s?”

His head shook as he grabbed his jacket. “Nah, new place on 33rd and South Princeton?”

“Sounds good.” She flashed him a smile. “Meet you there.” 

She turned and headed down the steps, Jay noticing her empty hands as she went. His eyes flicked to her desk, the sound of the drawer closing earlier in his head. He sighed and pulled his jacket on, tearing his eyes from her desk and moved past it.

She was waiting for him in the parking lot; Sitting in her car as he pulled in, saw her car door open as he parked, and then she was beside him, snow falling lightly and landing in her hair.

“Cute place.” She smiled.

“Yeah, Will told me about it.” They fell in to step with Jay realizing Will had told him about it during a story about his recent date with Hannah. Shit, this was a date place. He flushed at the realization but Hailey didn’t seem to notice as they walked and chatted about the traffic on the way there.

Once seated and their order placed, silence loomed over the table.

They tried for small talk during the first drink but the Big White Package was between them. After ordering a second, Jay couldn’t take it anymore and had to ask the question. It rolled out slow and low

“So what’d the FBI offer you?”

“Joint Level Task Force.” She grinned. There it was.

Jay couldn’t stop the small sigh that escaped him as he was enveloped in a weird sense of déjà vu. It wasn’t exact since he’d been blindsided the last time and this time he seemed to be on the front side, but he saw the end-result coming straight at him and it looked the same.

He smiled and nodded, taking in her enthusiasm if not her words. Taking in her eyes and her smile, and her fingers as they played with the condensation that had formed on her glass. He took in her mannerisms, the way her ponytail swished lightly to the side, the baby hairs that had escaped it and framed her face. The way she looked at him. The way he felt when she did. He realized he hadn’t heard a thing about the job. And he didn’t know that he cared. He didn’t want to know, would prefer to rewind the day and somehow make it so that delivery never happened. But another look at her and he was angry with himself for the thought. She deserved everything good. And if this would make her happy, he couldn’t get in front of that. She needed to be happy. He needed her to be.

“I’m gonna check on the drinks.” He stood, glad for the excuse to leave the table for a moment. To get himself together.

“You don’t have to fake it.” She smiled because of course she knew him, knew his conflict. “Y’ know, you could tell me you don’t want me to take it.”

“Hailey.” He looked at her as though she should know better. “I wouldn’t tell you that.”

 _Even if it was true_.

She ran a finger up and down her glass before she looked up at him again and pressed. “But you could. I’m just saying… I know you could tell me to take it, that it’s a great opportunity and I’d be an ass to say no. Anyone would say it. But you. You don’t have to. You could….tell me not to.” _I’d listen_.

Jay’s head shook lightly as he twisted his lips, forcing the words he wanted to say to stay down. She was telling him he was clear. To be selfish. To be honest. But doing that, he wasn’t sure he could. He couldn’t be the one to stand in the way if this was was she wanted. To be the one who put himself in her way, the one who let her allow it.

He put a hand lightly on the table. “Look. You have a big decision to make and. I’m behind you, Hailey. No matter what you choose. That’s all I can say about it. Except…” He drew out the word slowly. “Make it soon. Don’t….don’t make them wait too long.” He felt like he was on full display. He didn’t want her to know by ‘them’ he meant ‘him.’ But he knew she knew that too.

Despite himself he threw her a quick wink, desperate to cover up anything she may have seen in his expression, his body language, his eyes. She could always see so much more than what he wanted her to and now more than ever he just desperately wanted to hide.

He left the table for the time it took to grab their drinks from the bar instead of waiting for the server and settled back in to his seat, trying to take her in, trying not to think that this might be one of the last times he could.

The rest of the evening wore on with a few more drinks, a round of appetizers, and small talk. It was still nice despite the Thing They Stopped Talking About. It lay between them but they worked around it, still finding ways to smile and laugh. To leave the day and the delivery behind them as much as they could and still enjoy the company. While they could.

When they were back in the parking lot though, things stalled. Jay didn’t want to say good night and Hailey didn’t know what to say. Nothing had been resolved or decided. Neither was at peace but it was time to say good bye until tomorrow. When they’d show up for their afternoon shift and try not to pretend that time may be ticking down on their partnership. On their chance for them to maybe be more. The thing they’d been maybe moving toward since she’d gotten back from New York.

Surprisingly, it was Jay who broke the quiet. “So this was good.” He rubbed a hand at the back of his neck, throwing a look back at the bar. “Good place. Good to know.”

Hailey found herself laughing at his words, his attempt, his discomfort. “Yeah. It was good.” She put a hand to his chest before pushing off lightly and turning toward her car. “G’night Jay.”

He watched her near her car and the words flew out before he could stop himself.

“Hailey, wait a sec.” He was beside her again, watching her in the light of the streetlamp as the snowflakes found temporary homes in her hair and on her eyelashes.

She looked at him expectantly.

“Hey. Listen. I’m sorry if I didn’t say the right things tonight. I just--I hope you know, I _am_ happy for you.”

“I know.” It was a simple assurance and it was true. It’s just what everyone, anyone would say. But he wasn’t in either group. “G’night Jay.”

It was the soft quiet smile that she gave him right before ducking in to her car that pissed him off. Not with her. With himself. He watched her drive off, gave a half wave as she passed him, and went to his car with a groan. _I’m happy for you._ Had they just met? Were they only acquaintances? He had a million thoughts but none that he could filter down in words that would leave his mouth. So instead he went with something so bland that anyone could have said it. And he hated it. He’d gotten that smile from her before—the one that let him know she was moving on, letting him off the hook, that it was okay. And usually he took it and ran. It was easier that way. But not this time. This time he hated that she thought, knew, that it was warranted.

Hailey’s key turned her lock and she entered, turning on a few lights. She allowed herself to take a moment, to really look around, to think about this not being her home. To think about trading it for a high rise apartment in a noisy, new city. To think about making new friends to say good night to as they left a bar. To allow her heart to grow feelings for someone else after trying to bury the ones that had taken so long to grow and take root. To make their presence known. She could do it. She’d done it already, if only temporarily and without growing feelings, but she’d been okay. Would be okay if she did it again. If that’s what she decided to do.

But the job. _The job_. That's what she should focus on.

She didn’t want to rush a decision but it seemed silly to take all the time they gave her. She could do this. Make a good and firm decision, one that could steer her life for the next few years, one that could determine her friendships, relationships, work life, personal life, finances and so on.

Hailey knew sleep wouldn’t come for her any time soon so she pulled out a pad of paper and pen and began to do what always helped her. Make a list. Pros, Cons, Thoughts on paper. 

This job, the one they offered, seemed okay. Seemed good. But those damn lines. That damn bureaucracy. She wasn’t already actively looking for reach arounds, step arounds, or ways to convolute the process. But their strict protocol was stifling. Could she work that way indefinitely? Maybe making such a difference, more of a difference, would balance the need to work that way. Maybe it would become habit, instinctive, become a part of her. A new Hailey. Maybe that wouldn’t be so bad.

A few hours later and she'd finally fallen into a fitful sleep—one that incorporated flashes of airport goodbyes, airport hellos, wandering through a strange city and sitting at a new desk, familiar smiles and the warmth of a rugged, broad shoulder to lean her head against. Tears and laughter, longing and love. Trying to forget past happiness and hurt, focusing on the future. Then banging and beeping. Lots of banging and beeping.

She cracked open bleary eyes to try and get her bearings, figure out what had woken her. The time on her clock read 2:47am and she grimaced in to her pillow. Banging and beeping. It had been in her dreams but she could swear she could still hear the banging. Her phone beeped, lighting up the air around it. Groaning, Hailey reached for and it and saw she’d missed 7 calls and 12 messages. All Jay.

She pocketed the phone, roused herself the best she could and smoothed her hair on the way down to her front door; Opening it to find Jay, breathing heavily, on her doorstep.

“Can we talk?”

“What the hell are you doing? Do you know what time it is?” He looked okay, not hurt, not drunk that she could tell. But then why was he here at this time of night. She tried to streamline the thoughts running through her head but between the time, the earlier drinks, and the fact that she’d just woken up she was at a big disadvantage.

“Can I. Can we talk? Can I come in?” His words were quick, breathless.

Hailey’s brow furrowed a bit, watching him obviously amped up, his adrenaline running high. She shook her head and shrugged a shoulder. “Yeah of course.” She stepped back to allow him in and closed the door.

By the time she’d locked it and turned back around, he’d already shed his coat and was leaning, straight armed, against her kitchen island. His head was down as he began to speak.

“Listen, I know the things I’m supposed to say here. And yeah, as your partner, I _do_ want you to succeed, I _do_ think you deserve whatever the feds offer you. And if anyone else got that offer, I’d have no problem telling them. But Hailey--”

He looked up to see her watching him, her eyes somehow a perfect combination of intense and soft, and it was suddenly so easy to continue.

“With you, I can’t say that. Not because I don’t believe it because I do. And I’m glad they see what I see, working with you, every day. That you’re amazing.”

Her quiet chuckle was stopped by the tight smile that bloomed at hearing him say that. She blinked a few times, her brow furrowing lightly as she waited for him to continue.

“With you. Even though I know I’m supposed to, I can’t say I think you should take it, that you’d be stupid not to. I can’t say that because it would be a lie. All lies.”

Her eyes widened as she took in a sharp breath. She was awake, she reminded herself. This wasn’t a dream. Jay was here, in her kitchen, opening up to her. She took a step toward him but he put out a hand, stopping her where she was.

“As your….friend… Hailey. I can’t lie. I’d always wonder ‘what if’ if I did…and besides,” he threw her a quick smirk. “I’m pretty sure you’d see through it anyway.”

A tight-lipped smile from her before she bit the corner of her bottom lip. He had to look away. He had to continue. To finish this.

“You told me I could tell you I didn’t want you to take the job.” He palmed the island harder and pushed his shoulders back a bit as his voice dropped to near new low. “I don’t want you to take it.” He shook his head lightly. “And I know that makes me the asshole here because you should. If that’s what you want. But. If you’re asking me. I don’t wanna lose you. I don’t want you to go.I want you to stay.” He still wasn’t looking at her.

“Hey.” She took in a shaky breath and his eyes flickered over to her, looked at her questioningly. “Come ere,” she nodded over to him.

“Hailey.”

“Just. Shush.” She pulled her phone from her pocket and unlocked it. She touched the screen a few times and handed it to him.

“What is—“

“Read it.”

He took the phone from her, eyes going from her to the device and back again as he finally settled on what she was showing him. An outgoing email. From her. He couldn’t focus on the bulk of the words but toward the bottom caught

_However,_ _I have decided that this is not the right fit for my career goals at this time._

_Detective Hailey Upton_

_C.P.D_

He knew what it was but still asked the question as he handed it back. “What is this?”

“It’s a ‘thank you but no thank you’ letter. I turned them down.” Such a simple response and one she was one hundred percent comfortable with. She walked to grab the bottle of good tequila and 2 glasses.

“You turned them down,” he repeated, flat and low. “You turned down...the FBI?”

She nodded as she poured the second glass and pushed it to him. “I did. And it didn’t even feel…I don’t have any doubt.” She sipped.

“How in the hell is that possible?” He breathed out and grabbed for his glass.

She laughed and grimaced, getting the point. “I don’t know. But I went around and around with it and. Once I decided. I just felt---good.” She turned to walk toward to the living room, glass in hand, when she spoke over her shoulder. “What can I say? I’m a Chicago girl.”

She felt him behind her before he spoke. “Hailey, wait.”

She turned to face him, his face serious while her bottom lip was caught under her front teeth. He took the glass from her hand and put it on the counter.

“It sounds too easy. You sure about this?” He knew he was standing close to her, probably too close but he couldn’t move.

“Well,” she grinned. “It may have taken a _little_ longer than that but, really. I’m not a fed, I’m CPD. And I’m good with that.” She shrugged lightly.” Jay, I didn’t go looking for another job, FBI or anything else, and the fact that I was offered one? That’s great. But.”

His hand was begging to touch her cheek but he wouldn’t let it. Not just yet. They’d moved toward whatever line they’d never crossed, or maybe it had moved toward them, but right now he knew, _knew_ they were hovering over it. If he made any move at all, he had no thought he’d be rejected, but he knew the talking would stop. And he wanted to hear everything Hailey had to say first.

“You said that you’d wonder ‘what if’… And I get that. Because it wasn’t about the offer. A job is a job and the FBI isn’t going anywhere. But it forced me to think about some things that I don't think I was ready to before. It made me think about what it was I have here. That’s when I had my own ‘what if’ thoughts.”

Her eyes were incredibly blue and yet so clear as she looked up at him. “Jay. If I left. Without seeing if this was something….” She gestured between them finally acknowledging that there _was_ something between them. She sighed and cocked her head a bit to the side, a small smile flashing. “I’d always wonder..." She took in a deep breath and put on a brave face as she made the admission. "You were my ‘what if.’”

They were barely inches apart now and Jay felt his breath hitch as he whispered his question, eyes trained on her. “What if what?”

“So much.” She smiled. “But first.” Her voice dropped to a whisper. “What if I never knew what it was like to kiss you.”

She stared at him for a moment, before her eyes went to his lips then back to his eyes. Confirming she had permission, he saw her gather herself and draw up to him, felt her pull lightly on his arm as her lips ghosted over his.

As she pulled back he tasted his lips. It had been gentle and soft. Testing the waters. Which was fine but she hadn’t gotten what she was asking for.

He full out smirked at her and she wasn’t sure what to say. “You still don’t know.”

He reached for her then, hands at her hips as he situated her in front of him. He bent to her as she looked up at him, her lips parting to meet his and her blunt fingernails moved to dig in to his shoulders. Her groan changed quickly to a near yelp as his hands found her ass and then dipped lower to grab and lift her to him. She got it immediately and wrapped her legs around him as he walked them to the closet thing he could lean her against. The refrigerator.

And he _was_ kissing her. What she’d gotten a minute ago was nothing compared to this. Barely a whisper in a raging wind. Now he was kissing her deeply, softly, roughly, searching and taking, and taking away every trace of what if. His mouth was over hers, pushing against her lips, taking her taste and giving her his.

Her back met the cool stainless steel door, her brain kicked in to gear, and she began kissing him back in earnest. She tangled her tongue with his, nipped at his bottom lip, and smiled into his kisses as she heard his low moan.

She had no idea what this would turn in to but she knew it was something good. Something worth sticking around for.

It was the smartest decision she ever made.


End file.
